Instead, it's been nine long months of more and more "eventually", but the question became more of "eventually into what?" Is there even something "eventually" for us?
We've discovered though in our waiting that we've been given a gift. Not one that we were looking for or even desiring, but a gift nonetheless. It is the gift of availability.
I had been looking at it the wrong way around. I was looking at it as not having meaning or a role. Who am I? Why am I here? Why did I think that I could possibly make a difference?
But, I was noticing something strange. I wasn't bored. My days felt full. There was always something happening, but they were always one-time things.
|Making cookies with some girls in the village|
This is a gift. If we had a big role and days filled up with a packed schedule, we would not be able to be spontaneous. We would not have met some really amazing people here or learned a lot about what the needs and ministries that are going on.
As much as I want it to be, our kind of life is not quantifiable. I can't check off those boxes on a To Do list. I can't pinpoint a role here or say "this is what I'm doing".
But, that's okay.
I still don't know how to really answer the question "What do you do here in Mae Sot?" Yet, I know this is where God wants us right now. We can just keep our hands and hearts open to the needs that visit us on any given day. And, if we go through some days or weeks that seem to lack meaning, that's okay too. It just means that we are available when we are needed.